Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Can You Dig it?

The Sock was appalled to hear rumours that the BBC are planning a new Friday night show to replace Gardener’s World.

From the people who gave you ‘Any Dream Will do?’ ( the search for the lead in Carol Klein’s Technicolor Dream Scarf) followed by ‘I’d do Anything’ (a role that was clearly won by Joe Swift) we now find that the lead role in Gardener's World will yet again be chosen by the people.

The show - which will be called ‘Can you Dig it?’ - is the usual format that works so well in filling the Beebs coffers. Each week whilst the people’s phone poll decides on the trailing two contestants, a panel of well known gardeners like Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden led by His Organic Jerkinness, Monty Don will make the crucial decision on which of them has dug their own grave and is pruned out.

Producers are looking for contestants with either a modicum of gardening knowledge ( Joe) or a BIG personality (Christine ‘choo-choo’ Walkden). The final ten will be sent to ‘Monty School’ where the week will culminate in contestants being asked to dress in organic jerkins, faded cotton shirts and corduoroy trousers and carry manly baggywags whilst undertaking tasks like hedge-layering or hebe pruning.

The outcome will inevitably be dependent on the machinations of ‘The Don’. Will he save Joe or Chris? Or will the public save their money and finally put a stop to these ridiculous rigged phone-in shows!


The Black Finger Nail said...

Can I propose the lovely Gay Search?

Mind you having just googled her......and seen the results! I suggest it would have to shown after the 9pm watershed.

Big Hot Shot Producer said...

This is a brilliant idea. Get in touch with me immediately, I'll message you my private number.

Fat Rascal said...


I have some ready made sob stories to help candidates gain sympathy and win votes:

"I had a gastric band fitted to cure tomato bulimia"

"Too short for basketball I turned to plants for comfort"

"Bullied at school for Compulsive arm-waving and squealing disorder"

Have your people contact my people!

big hot shot producer said...

Have you got something along the lines of, "I was humiliated in public for rotovating my allotment" - that's the angle we're really looking for

VP said...

Darn! Now why didn't I think of that? I'll just have to link to you instead...