Sunday, 8 June 2008

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEWS FLASH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

News is breaking that adorable gardening poppet Chris Beardshaw is withdrawing from the contest for Britain's Next Top Gardener. A close friend disclosed that Chris had come under pressure from his family after a group of over hormonal middle-aged women sporting pink dahlias and tarts earrings and chanting "we want to grow your seed" surrounded his country home.

Beardshaw's solicitor later read out the following statement..

"...this has been the latest in a string of stalking incidents. Last summer a London bus carrying a group of women and more than one sock-puppet invaded Chris's water tower home at Tewkesbury. The house was on sale at the time and these people, apparently calling themselves 'The Unofficial Chris Beardshaw Fan Club', gained access on the pretext of being interested buyers. The 'invaders' left £170,000 of damage as they stripped the house (including the bathroom and toilet) of furniture and fittings for 'souvenirs'. Police afterwards said it was clear many of them had been drinking.."

Looking even more 'tired and emotional' than usual Beardshaw's campaign manager, Arabella Sock greeted the news stoically..

"At least he made the short list".

3 comments:

emmat said...

I am shocked and saddened to hear this. I think today's middle-aged are a lot more badly behaved than the old people of today were, twenty years go. These days they go out drinking vodka, they wear sexually revealing clothes, and they have lowered the general tone of life: even the Archers is sexually suggestive these days.

They probably communicated the location of where to meet to each other by myspazz or whatever it's called. I think the internet has a lot to answer for, really.

If we all just went back to reading a paper copy of the Daily Mail, the world would be a better place.

Arabella Sock said...

The Sock couldn't agree with you more! These people have no sense of dignity or decorum. However, it is also true to say that the very old people of today are quite evil - particularly those living in Hove!

Fat Rascal said...

I forgive him, in spite of the restraining order!

I wonder if my very holey gardening shorts would be classed as sexually revealing? I suppose worn with wellies they are a little kinky!