Tuesday, 29 July 2008

I Scream

The Sock is feeling crotchety again (or should a knitted being be feeling crocheted). Whatever!

This is all due to the blasted ice-cream-van-man playing his toon at top volume! The sound of 'Teddy Bear's Bloody Picnic' slices through the air and jangles the nerves like nails down a chalk board!!! Horrendous. The Sock can hear it start up in the distance getting ever closer until the air is full of "the woods today" to the exclusion of all else even the seagull screams.

So finally having had enough the Sock phoned the council's Environmental Health department. The conversation went like this...

Sock: I'd like to complain about an ice cream van playing Teddy Bear's Picnic at a billion decibels in a quiet residential neighbourhood.

Person: Picnic? I've never heard of it.

Sock (loudly): Teddy Bear's Picnic! How can you not have heard of that?

Person: Well how loud are they playing it?

Sock: Extremely loudly.

Person: Well how long are they playing it for?

Sock: They are playing at least one full verse every few minutes which must contravene the regulations for the amount of time they can play it, which I understand to be 6 seconds.

Person: Well how long is a verse?

Sock: I don't know. Would you like me to sing it for you?

Person: Don't bother I'll look on Youtube.

The Sock got a big surprise today when the Environmental health people phoned back. Trying not to dwell too much on the Teddy Bears Bloody Picnic aspect of things it was established that the Sock probably knew somewhat more about what rules might be being contravened than Person no. 2 did. The Sock was asked to keep a diary of the noise for a few weeks as evidence. By the end of this time any attempt at summer will be over and the ice-cream-van-man will have cleared off for the year. Roll-on winter!

7 comments:

HappyMouffetard said...

Go and get yourself a strawberry mivvi and calm down.

I like the (probably apocryphal) story about young children being told by their parents that when the ice-cream man played his music, it meant that they had run out of ice-cream for the day.

emmat said...

our ice cream man has that music too.
best solution is to move to Kensington and Chelsea, i don't think they have ice cream men there. Or move somewhere really famous for ice cream like Retallack Barton, because then people are already coming for the ice cream so they don't need to play music?

The Black Finger Nail said...

Calm down dear it is only a commercial!

I had a splendid Marshfield ice cream whilst attending the opera at Iford Manor last week (Italianate garden bit like Blue Peter's but slightly less prone to less vandalism and Throwerisms).

In truth I made a considerable mistake. It was an impulse thing... someone said "let's go and see Oprah". But instead of Ms Winfrey I got a Mr Whippy!

The great and the good were there, but enough about Mr & Mrs Nails - The rest were right chavs.

Arabella Sock said...

I might well have to go out and treat myself to a knickerbockerglory now! I
wonder if anyone still does them...

VP said...

Move to Chippenham - they play 'Greensleeves' and the theme from 'The Third Man' here - much more classy.

Anonymous said...

Don't all ice cream men sell drugs to children?
Or is that just round here?

Arabella Sock said...

I wouldn't mind the theme from the Third Man so much. Or at least not for the first 20 times.