Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Hot Pants

This really will, probably, be the last blog about pants for a while.

Before setting off for his two week, no doubt rain-soaked, holiday the mysterious Black Fingernail emailed the Sock to say "I can't believe it's been three months and you haven't mentioned your pants on the blog". Well just for you BFN the Sock is mentioning them now as by coincidence she was sent a link to a relevant news story about ethical panties! The eco-friendly knickers in question are made from bamboo and soy and the Sock can only hope that they fare better than the paper knickers the BFN refers to.

Many years ago Ma and Pa Sock used to take the family travelling around Europe for a month or so every year. Pa Sock liked to drive and would think nothing of leaving our home in Wales and doing a circuit down through France and round Spain and Portugal with myself and Bro Sock fighting in the back of the car for five weeks. This particular incident must have been in the late 60s when paper knickers suddenly came into fashion. Ma Sock felt these would be a great boon in saving washing as they could just be used and thrown away.

The Sock was thereby wearing a pair of said knickers when the Sock family endured another long drive up through France on the return leg of our holiday. Unfortunately the combination of heat, sweat and vinyl car seats caused the Sock's knickers to disintegrate so by the time the afternoon rest stop had been reached all that was left was a bit of elastic with some small scraps of paper clinging to it. It being the 60s the Sock was also wearing a somewhat short dress which would only too easily have revealed the truth to an astonished French onlooker.

Pleas for Pa Sock to get some more pants out from the boot of the car were met with "The blasted suitcase is at the bottom of the bloody boot and I am not getting the whole bloody lot out to get her some blasted knickers." Consequently the Sock remained locked in the car whilst the rest of the family went to find a cafe - somehow as usual, the whole charade was her fault!

These days, of course, the Sock would probably have been able to report her parents for child cruelty but equally one hopes that these days ethical pants are a bit more practical.

8 comments:

Dishwasher Crab said...

Oh that is distressing, a young Sock in dissolving paper pants.

Luckily knicker-technology has moved on, and polypropylene is the modern solution. Available in impressively large sizes:

http://www.preparedness.com/disun.html

While you are there you might like to purchase some of their other products, to ensure your forthcoming adventure is both comfortable and stress-free.

The potty/bouncy-castle particularly appeals: http://www.preparedness.com/inflateapotty.html

Arabella Sock said...

Thank you for sharing my pain Dishwasher Crab.

The poly pants are great and I've ordered a whole load. It's a shame they don't come with slogans on though.

I'm not sure about the potty/bouncy-castle though. Why not just put a bucket with a bin-liner in the back of the car like normal people do.

Dishwasher Crab said...

I imagine you could probably write your own slogans with a felt tipped pen. Or if you've got time on your hands, you could even try some snazzy stencilling or even potato prints.

jane said...

Has this incident scarred you leading to the current pants obsession?

Arabella Sock said...

I do believe it has Jane... still probably not worth having therapy now. I'll just live with it

Fat Rascal said...

Sadly, the French countryside is still littered with discarded underwear.

My dear departed dog once swallowed a pair of small Y-fronts found in the undergrowth. The anxiety of what they would do to his digestive system was somewhat countered by the amusement experienced when listening to EFR on the phone to the vet. Apparently "foreign object" wasn't enough information and he had to go into detail.

Even César's cast iron stomach couldn't cope and I found them regurgitated in the back room the following morning.

Once again, disgust was overcome by relief -not that they hadn't killed the woof, but that I hadn't imagined the whole incident. EFR had had doubts!

emmat said...

"cette fille là, habillée très anglaisement", surely.

That is a terrible, terrible story. Now I can see how you became the person you are today.

you should write one of those books with the white covers with the black and white photo of the tiny child on it that they sell bzillions of in WH Smiths.

Anonymous said...

Quick, Arabella - delete this whole thread before it can be used against you elsewhere
And DONT tell anyone I warned you to
Mums the word