Tuesday, 23 June 2009

What the Romans did for us...

Today, children, we are going to have a history lesson.

For those of you with little education the picture above is of the Coliseum in Rome. The Socks did the tourist thing and wandered around with audio guides which informed that it was unlikely that Christians had ever been thrown to the lions here as the coliseum was generally used for gladiators and elaborate animal hunting set ups. There was also no mention of the "naked virgins being fed to crocodiles" scenario (as described in a somewhat porno book about what really happened at the Roman games that the Sock's brother once gave her to read at an impressionable age).

Having got over those disappointments the Sock was, however, greatly impressed by the invaluable contributions that the Romans have made to the world...

One - the Romans gave us digital cameras

Two - the Romans gave us cigarettes

Three - the Romans gave us mobile phones!!!!!!! Did you know that it is illegal to drive in Italy unless you are doing at least 200km an hour, in the wrong lane, chatting into your mobile phone?

Last but not least the Sock believes that it is quite possible that the Romans invented "fuckme shoes". The Sock came over all middle-aged and felt that this young lady's attire was hardly appropriate for wandering around the Coliseum.

Nevertheless, having never owned and now never likely to own a pair of fuckme shoes, (or even just the one like James has) the Sock was a little jealous of said young lady's footwear. Teva trail sandals - the Socks summer footwear of choice - may be comfortable but they are definitely not sexy.


Zoƫ said...

I got vertigo just looking at those shoes.

As for the Romans, jolly inventive people!

jro said...

It doesn't sound like a particuarly restful holiday, so I hope that you are at least feeling very cultured.

That whole outfit - please tell me she wasn't Italian! I shall be so disappointed if she was.

Arabella Sock said...

I'm not sure whether the girl was Italian - looks more American to me. I saw quite a few women staggering around cobbles in vertiginous shoes. Most of them looked ridiculous because it had thrown their posture out completely.

Rome wasn't very restful as we did so much - I hadn't realised what a lovely place it was, great atmosphere, fab food, lots of interest. After surviving the drive down to Puglia we spent a further week of resting and slobbing about the villa. Puglia itself wasn't that scintillating scenerywise although I hadn't expected it to be. More on that in a later blog.

Ms B said...

Thank goodness someone else other than Terry Deary is doing a 'Horrible Histories@.

I fervently hope that isn't the Bedsock draped over Miss Totter Toes!

HappyMouffetard said...

The Romans also seem to have invented the sort of female armour that gets Dungeons and Dragons geeks a little over-excited, by the look of the 4th photo down.

SomeBeans occasionally threatens to buy me a pair of shoes like that, as he knows that he'd then be able to find me in them - exactly where he left me, except probably in a crumpled heap.

Arabella Sock said...

That isn't the Bedsock draped over Miss Tottertoes - he'd of got a jolly good slap if it was! Interesting that Mr. Draped looks so 'normal' compared with his companion.

Looking at the pictures I do believe that in 3rd photo down (Roman smoking fag) he is wearing Teva (or similar) trail sandals so obviously the Romans gave us those as well which is a boon. Roman girlie on phone is wearing rather nice lace up sandals - I used to have a white pair of those in my youf with white laces which you were supposed to tie criss crossed up your leg, if you know what I mean. My laces always fell down so I don't think anyone got too excited, geeks or not. :(

Karen - An Artist's Garden said...

Very, very, funny post Arabella, good thing I wasn't drinking tea - just what I needed, the funny post that is... although actually, I think I need a nice cup of tea now.

VP said...

Those shoes are what the term totty was invented for.

Fat Rascal said...

EFR is half Italian so he has got the mobile/fag gene.

You don't mention the toothpicks though!

An Italian student once explained to me that they all need at least three mobiles -one for wife and family, one for the mistress and one for bizness.

The Black Fingernail said...

Fuck me!

(Ramseyesk rather than literally)

Have you still got your brother's book?

I once stumbled across (whilst carrying a bucket to collect apples in) a group of attractive young women skinny dipping in my swimming pond.

On sighting me they all cowered off to the deep end and said they wouldn't come out until I'd left.

I told them "I'm not some perv here to see attractive nubile young ladies naked.......

.....I've just come to feed the crocodile!"


Arabella Sock said...

BFN - I just looked at Amazon to see if I could find that book for you. I found this instead

clink for the link

'Roman Things to Make and Do'! Clearly the author never read 'I Claudius' as they surely wouldn't be encouraging kiddies to get up to that Caligula malarkey!

Yolanda Elizabet Heuzen said...

Hmmmmmm, let's see. If a pair of those shoes say f*ckme what does the one shoe of James's say? Just the f word?

Stephanie said...

Is that Cleve West with the camera?

Arabella Sock said...

OHMIGOD!!! Stephanie you are right - it is Cleve West! He must be stalking me because he turned up in 3 of my Chelsea photos (see earlier blog) and I didn't realise he was there.

Yolanda, I think maybe if you just get the one f*ckme shoe then you could be said to be f*cked!

James A-S said...

Have you been away? I hadn't noticed that you had completely deserted us and not bothered to post even once from Rome. Perhaps the Romans have not yet invented the internet.
I worry that the girl with the shoes is going to take half a step back and impale the foot of her flip flopped companion. Personally I find the visible underbuttock quite disturbing in this case.
D'you suppose she is a natural blonde?

James A-S said...

The Romans also invented wheelie suitcases according to my brother http://www.flickr.com/photos/rob-sinclair/3656929006/

James A-S said...

PS Apologies for his spelling.

Arabella Sock said...

Sadly, not only did we not have internet but the cable TV in the apartment wasn't cabled so the only channels we could get were Italian game shows. So no lounging around in bed watching daytime TV at all!

I would have paid good money to see Ms. Tottertoes step back and impale Mr. Flip Flop - I'm sure it must have happened at some stage.

Euw - surely the concept of a visible underbuttock is disturbing in all cases.

Yolanda Elizabet Heuzen said...

Poor James!