The picture has nothing to do with this post it is just to remind the Sock that on our last weekend's walk there was actually the first sunshine of the year!
You can't say the Socks haven't tried... we gave it three years and came close to divorce on more than one occasion. (see previous post here) Now the decision has been made - the wormery has to go!
The Socks have always done their best to be 'green', recycling bottles (and there have always been a lot of bottles) years before the council forced their eco-edicts on us. Let the Sock cite just a few of her eco-credentials...
The water-saving butt
The only place to connect a water butt was in the side-passage in full view of the back window. The Socks bought an oak barrel butt in the hope it would look more attractive than the plastic ones (but also because they brought back memories of the Sock's grandad's garden where they always seemed rather exciting and mysterious). The main excitement provided by the oak butt is that in hot weather it needs to be kept two-thirds full otherwise the wood slats shrink away from each other opening gaps that let all the water run out!!!! This makes it impossible to use at the main time you would want to use it. It does contain some mysteries though like:
- what were those weird tampon-like floaters drifting around in it?*
- how do you get rid of the sulphurous smell emanating from it in summer?**
- how do you stop it becoming a mozzie breeding ground?***
- whose job is it to clean all the seagull shit and stuff washed down from the roof creating a layer of gunk over the charcoal?****
The Socks replaced their old boiler with one of the then 'new' condensing boilers amidst assurances as to how cheap to run, efficient and environmentally sound they were. The Socks chose one which had gained a Design Award. Clearly the Award was based on the way it looked (small, oblong, boiler-like) because for the first two years it failed to perform properly, banging loudly at intervals which would make the house vibrate and the Sock and cats jump out of their skins. Six inches deep of correspondence and many irate phone calls later all the program boards were finally replaced which cured the problem. Not that anyone ever discovered what exactly had caused the banging. The condensing boiler sends out a plume of steam from its exterior outlet and as this was in the early days of their installation the Sock was forever getting word from the neighbours that her kitchen was on fire!
Worse was to follow. The next-door (terraced) neighbour had a condensing boiler installed and the outlet for the plume of steam placed in such a way that it invariably blew straight into the Sock's study window giving her a faceful of warm, wet, air whilst trying to work. The Socks paid for the neighbour to get the outlet relocated.
The bathroom was being refurbed so obviously the Socks went for an environmentally sound toilet - not that we had much choice. This toilet has two flush buttons - hold one down for pee and two for poo. Unfortunately the flush for poo is so inefficient that it requires at least three flushes to even get a piece of paper washed away wasting far more water than ever the old flushing toilet did and necessitating rather more peering down the pan to see that everything has gone than one might wish.
The Sock could go on but we will be here all day once she really gets into her stride and we were supposed to be talking about worms. So back to the wormery. As you may remember this was the Bedsock's project and he really did try. The first lot of worms disappeared without a trace and were eventually believed drowned in the sea of fluid produced from too much veg rotting too quickly. A second lot of worms were acquired, loved, nurtured, fed expensive treats, the Bedsock providing a balance of veg and dry stuff to prevent them drowning. But drown they did...... in a sea of writhing maggots which had taken over the wormery much to the Sock's disgust. Worse than that the wormery with its writhing cargo of larvae, grubs and the occasional worm had taken over the shed at the Bedsock's insistence they be kept warm over winter. This not only prevented access to the shed over the winter months but also resulted in the loosing of some of its inhabitants over the Socks gardening equipment. After some divorce-inducing domestic arguments the wormery was eventually put in last chance saloon. Another batch of worms bought, more expensive worm treats and conditioner, quite frankly we couldn't have done more for them. After being told off by the Bedsock for chucking in too large indigestible chunks of waste food the Sock spent more time dicing veg for them than on her own suppers! Every time the lid was opened to give the little wrigglers their food the Sock would get a face full of flies. And what did the ungrateful worms do? They buggered orf to the bottom of the wormery and drowned themselves again. Three strikes and the wormery is out.
____________________So. Farewell thenwormery
As Winston Churchill saidWe are all wormsBut I believe that I am a glow-worm
* rat-tailed maggots (hoverfly larvae)
** put a few pieces of charcoal in. NB. DO NOT empty the whole of the Bedsock's BBQ bag in whilst in a fit of pique.
*** nail a fine net mesh over the top
**** this would seem to be Arabella's job.