The Sock is miserable. There are several reasons for this, the back to reality jolt after having an exciting time in Paris, the lack of chocolate, cheese and cake and more than anything else THE WALL. The Sock has been putting off thinking about THE WALL because the mere thought of it leaves her paralysed and unable to deal with anything. Activity is called for and it can't be put off any longer.
When the Socks moved to the house 20 years or so ago they got a full survey done. At the time the Socks were rather aggrieved to find several pages of survey dedicated to the exterior garden walls which were in a state of disrepair, rather than bothering to note that the house needed immediate rewiring in case it burnt down. Oh, and the hole in one of the interior walls which had been hidden by bunk beds so the surveyor hadn't noticed the lattice and horse hair sticking out. Or the rest. No - the surveyor had spent some time stating the bleedin' obvious that the back walls were falling down. As we are terraced the neighbours had cleverly abnegated any responsibility for them by erecting fences on either side giving us full possession of these hideous and crumbling, snail-filled walls. The Sock didn't care though because possession of both walls makes her garden look wider and they are mainly covered in the summer with clematis and an aged honeysuckle on one side and hidden behind various shrubs on the other. After a few years the Socks hardly noticed just how hideous they were, even getting Mad Andy to patch them up last year, a process we intended to continue.
That was until the great snow and rain of Winter 2010 fell upon us. THE WALL (which was mainly bungaroosh in the first place) has disintegrated and must now be dealt with. The Sock cannot face it. THE WALL needs to be removed entirely which will completely ruin the borders, THE WALL must be carted through the house because we are terraced with no side passage and this will ruin the house entirely, the builders will be loud and annoying as they tramp through the house which will ruin the Sock's life entirely, the cats will be locked out of the way in a room which they will destroy which will ruin everyone's life entirely. The very thought of it is mind paralyzingly awful. Totally and utterly unbearable. Last year with the greenhouse scattered across the garden until it finally got built and the death of my beloved Luka and the rain and misery, the garden was scarely used and now it will all be disrupted again.
The Bedsock is vilely upbeat about THE WALL. "Think of it as a new challenge" he says brightly "you were saying you needed a new garden challenge". You can just imagine how this makes the Sock feel.
It isn't just THE WALL being removed and having to deal with stuff like skips and the people who you have to speak to on the phone about skips and the neighbours who run out in the middle of the night to dump all their rubbish in your skip.... it is also the horror of having to find something decent to replace it with. Having to waste time looking at fencing and agree with the Bedsock what height it should be. The Sock thinks high enough to shut out the fact that the neighbours fence on one side is a decrepit eyesore that is only saved from falling down itself by the fact that our clematis montana is holding it up. The neighbours fence is full of woodeating insects which may transfer to the expensive new fence the Socks will have to have.
As the Sock is sitting staring into space unable to deal with the magnitude of this task the phone rings. It is Mad Andy asking when he should come down to finish patching THE WALL. "THE WALL has fallen down" the Sock tells him "it needs removing completely and I can't ask you to do it because it will take one person forever and also you are not as young and fit as you used to be and it will stress me out badly if you drop dead whilst carrying bits of wall through my house." Mad Andy says he takes the Sock's point but that he could get a friend to assist and that he does at least understand how traumatic it is all going to be.
Mad Andy turns up to look at THE WALL. "You didn't say the entire wall needed removing" he gasps. The Sock gloomily tells him it is both side walls. "Oh dear" understates Mad Andy. "What about building new brick walls to replace them?" the Sock asks this being her preferred option. "Don't even think of it - digging out the footings, bringing the bricks through the house, the cement mixer, the mess, the dust.. you will have a major nervous breakdown - guaranteed." Mad Andy is already familiar with the Sock's minor nervous breakdowns caused by 'work on the house'.
The Sock has told Mad Andy to seriously consider his health and well being before taking on the removal of the walls. Mad Andy has said that he will seriously consider it and get back to her. This is the current position. The Sock has now stopped thinking about it and has mentally retreated back to Paris, chocolate, cheese and cake...