The more cognisant amongst you cannot fail to be aware of the enormous
Amidst calls for transparency, celebrity judges, detailed analysis of every decision, equality for women gardeners and Simon Cowell, there is but one voice of reason - and that is the voice of the Sock.
So here we have the Sock's ten criteria for judging at the RHS Chelsea Flower Show.
1. All the Sock's friends should get gold medals and people who she knows and quite likes from twitter should get silver gilt - even if their gardens/exhibits are a bit rubbish.
2. Cleve West should get gold whether he is 'showing' or not.
3. Cleve West should always get Best in Show
4. That David Do'anythingforthe'money should only be allowed into downmarket events like GW Live
5. Anyone who gives out free champagne at Press Day should get gold.
6. All judges should be forced to wear smart blazers emblazoned with RHS logo and straw hats (see picture of elderly gent at top). This is important for preserving the mystique of judges - we don't want them looking just like some bloke from down the road. For the sake of equality at least one of them should be female - preferably Germaine Greer or similar.
7. There should always be at least one 'comedy' exhibit - like the Plasticene Garden or The Oirish Sky Garden which will also double-up as the one receiving the 'People's Award' because let's face it, the people don't know any better.
8. Ringo Starr should get Silver
9. er.. that's it. I was going to do more but we don't want to get bogged down with rules and regulations - at the end of the day it's not rocket salad.
10. In the interests of fairness and transparency we are going to have a poll on this so can you go to the top right of this post and tick the statement you most agree with.