Followers of Rough Devon Climate Farmer, Mark Diacono* will have read his latest blog on the joys of Celeriac Brulée a dish which he has invented and which has caused some controversy on twitter (when I say 'controversy' I mean to a man/woman it was rubbished). You may want to read about it here before continuing.
So with all this overdue interest in the humble brulée this blog is my contribution to the defence of a much maligned dish. If I can agree on anything with Diacono it is that we should re-establish the art of Brulee. I give you my new recipe for Porage Brulee! (or Porridge Brulée for those of you who don't speak Scottish).
Along the lines of Mark Diacono's recipe I'll get the jokes in first -
The Three Bears and the Porridge Joke
It's a sunny morning in a big forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch and shouts, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this crap? I haven't made the porridge yet!"
And now for the recipe
Handful of porridge
Honey or even treacle or maple syrup whatever
Cream or crème if you've got the posh stuff
First pour a random quantity of milk into a pan. Any old milk will do although personally I wouldn't use the Bedsock's lactose free stuff again as it tastes a bit goaty.
|Step 1. Burn your Brulée|
Scatter a handful of porridge oats into it - porage oats if you want to be a bit Scottish.
Go upstairs to the study and start reading your tweets
Forget the porage is on the stove
Become aware there is a slightly weird, sweet, caramelised smell wafting up the stairs along with some smoke.
Rush down to kitchen to find that the porridge has brulé 'ed (or burnt) onto one of the Bedsock's favourite pans.
Panic knowing that you will be in for a long lecture about "remembering stuff you have put on the stove and putting the timer on if you really are getting that dotty that you can't concentrate long enough to watch a pan of cooking porridge" etc..
Cool the pan and heave a huge sigh of relief when the bruléed porage casing lifts out of the pan in one piece creating a rather attractive piece of cuisine art of the kind seen in the best restaurants.
Realise that this is in fact all happily serendipitous and negates the need for the caramelisation with a blow torch - although if you are a boy or Mark Diacono you will probably want to play with this anyway.
Cook up some more porridge in the microwave (probably safest to use Ready Brek or something easy instead of this porage lark) and when cooked slop into the brulee casing
Pour on some creme
Dribble an interesting pattern of runny honey on the top.
I have to agree with Mark Diacono that whilst his "creative endeavours will remain largely unappreciated whilst he is alive" it is also highly probably they will never be appreciated. Don't let this put you off trying my Porage Brulée though it's a corker and quite good for your heart if you don't have the honey and cream on it.
* (as in Rough Devon Farmer not Climate if you know what I mean, although fair to say that the climate is probably pretty rough too)