I hope, dear Reader, that you understand the sacrifice I made to cover this year's Hampton Court Conceptual Gardens for your delectation. It was hot, hot, hot!. I was hot, hot, hot! They were not, not not! No dear Reader - I can only say that for the most part they left me cold.
First up a garden with some flowers and a giant bottle of washing-up liquid.
Yes! It's the Ecover garden. Who knew?
As it turns out, if we're going to be pedantic about it, the Ecover garden wasn't actually a conceptual one. Not that you'd have known.
Next we have a pile of fridges placed on some silica cat litter - the expensive kind that my cats insist on having otherwise they wee on the soft furnishings.
Last year a pile of televisions, this year fridges. What household appliance will they do next year? I'm guessing ironing boards - they can have mine, I've seen enough of it. Actually they can have my iron and the ironing mountain too but they can provide their own cat grit.
Just as I was thinking this was all too jolly.. the conceptual gardens are supposed to be about death, ill-health and misery.. I came across this. Fantastic - the "We're all going to die" garden
I rather enjoyed the "Up the ladder to the roof, we can see heaven much better" garden. The younger of you won't remember that Motown song (or even Motown). It was one of my teenage favourites.
This wasn't conceptual I don't think but it was a mess. I never thought I'd see the day when I didn't like a Chris Beardshaw garden.. Tuesday was that day.
No idea what this was all about... death probably or some horrible disease.
The Bedsock did overhear a woman say "that's the garden with gonorrhea in it" to her friend. I don't think it was this one though and wasn't enamoured of the idea of looking around to see which one it was.
This was called Claw.
The space around it was entirely free of trolleyhaulers or indeed any viewers at all. Enuff said.
Another one about death. What's the matter with everyone?
I'm wondering if it was something to do with green burials. I recently asked OldmaSock what hymns she wanted sung at her funeral as she is getting on a bit now. She said she couldn't care less because she'd be dead which, to be honest, I thought was a bit selfish as it leaves all the difficult decision-making to myself and BroSock. When asked about her funeral in general she said whatever was cheapest - which was quite predictable. I'm thinking cardboard box to the tune of "Up the Ladder to the Roof".
What is this? No, really what is it? Totally unremarkable.
|Diamonds and rust|
Now I don't know whether Tony has ever been to Iceland but I have and I can tell you there is a lot of land, a lot of ice but not a SINGLE blade of grass! That is the point of the place - there is almost no vegetation, just rocks, ice, mosses and purple lupins which are invasive and shouldn't be there. There are almost no trees and those there are are so stunted that an Icelandic joke is
"What do you do when you are lost in an Icelandic Forest?"
Or in the case of Chris Beardshaw stand on someone else's shoulders.