Wednesday, 27 February 2013

A Senator Writes - Part II

..

Arabella answers further correspondence from America

----------------------------

Dear Friend, 
 
This week I had the privilege as your Senator to attend the State of the Union. But unfortunately, we knew what President Obama was going to say even before he started speaking. If you didn’t watch, I’ll give you a hint: it starts with “more” and ends with “spending.” 
 
On the positive side, I think President Obama focused on the right central theme – creating jobs. That’s probably because we actually had negative economic growth last quarter with unemployment still around eight percent. But I think everything he’s talking about is the same-old, same-old – more government programs and 'investment' … code word for spending. For instance, if you look at how he wants to avoid sequestration, it’s more taxes and more spending. 
 
[blah... blah... blah..]

Of course many other important issues were discussed in the State of the Union, and I’m genuinely interested in hearing your thoughts on those and any other issues important to you. Please contact me with your ideas at any of my state offices or in my Washington office.


Sincerely,
David Vitter
United States Senator

___________________________________________________


Dear David

How nice to hear from you again, I do so enjoy our little chats. 

Barack Obama - crazy name, crazy guy huh? I didn't really understand what you thought he was going to say but at least he is fit (I think you say "hot" in the US) particularly compared with our leader, the whey-faced Cameron, who is the sort that would have been called dough-boy at school but has now grown out of the slightly flaccid look.

Anyway the big news from here is the tragic closure of 'Mustardland' - the name given to The Archers BBC Messageboard.  The Archers is a long running radio programme about a small somewhat incestuous village community, this is commented on by the posters of 'Mustardland' which is a small somewhat incestuous messageboard community.  No doubt you'd be familiar with those kind of communities living in Louisiana.  Sadly some of the comments about The Archers got a teensy little bit negative and the BBC, in its infinite post-Saville wisdom, has done the only thing that can ever be done with nay-sayers - taken away their platform of protest!  

Many of the Mustardlanders have written to their MPs to demand that this valuable resource, which they pay for out of their licence fees (that is the ones who actually pay, not the ones living abroad who don't pay but still listen online, which is quite frankly a disgrace - we know who you are!!!!)  be kept open and there are various petitions to No. 10 and so forth being put forward. Even the Daily Fail has stepped in to bemoan the fact that the Mustardland community, many of whom are regular Fail readers, has been left virtually homeless.  

 I wonder, in your capacity of US Senator, could you possibly have a word with Obama about it?  I'm sure if he leant on the Beeb a bit he could persuade them to think again about this piss poor decision.  Not since Nigel Pargetter fell off the roof has there been such misery in Mustardland and to make matters worse, a week after announcing the closure of the boards, they also killed off Wolfgang!

One thing that did strike me as rather amusing was that The Archers producers are always very keen on 'mash-ups', so should your President be able to visit the Ambridge community at this time it could be billed as "Obama Llama Drama"   LOLZ!

Looking forward to your next letter

Warmest Regards
Arabella

Saturday, 16 February 2013

A Senator Writes Part I

..

No. 1 in a series of replies to US Senator David Vitter who has been sending unsolicited emails to one of the many Sea of Immeasurable Gravy addresses

--------------------------------


Dear Friend,
Like many of you, Mardi Gras is among my favorite Louisiana traditions. Growing up in New Orleans, I even had a job painting floats for Blaine Kern. That’s why, when Dottie Haydel of Haydel's Bakery contacted my office about a problem with their King Cakes, we had to help. We found out a shipment of babies for their King Cakes was stuck at the airport in Los Angeles. As it turns out, the shipment had been mislabeled as "dairy" so there was a hold-up getting it through customs. I'm happy to report that Dottie and Haydel's received them in time for Mardi Gras!
 [...]


I hope you and your family are enjoying your Mardi Gras traditions – and recovering from Super Bowl Sunday.
Sincerely, David Vitter Signature
David Vitter
United States Senator 
-------------------
 Dear David Signature
 Thank you for your email regarding Mardi Gras traditions most interesting and may I say how thoroughly I enjoyed your Paul Simon's song about it. 
 In the UK we have a similar tradition -  Burn's Night on 25th January - when we eat haggis drenched in whisky with neeps and tatties.  A haggis is either 'a small one legged mammal found running around in circles on the slopes of the Scottish Highlands' OR 'a mix of sheeps offally bits, spices and porridge wrapped in said sheep's stomach' depending on whether you believe my Dad or not.  Either way we didn't have it on the 25th because the Bedsock had drunk all the whisky (which I wasn't pleased about) and we had to wait until he'd been to Waitrose to buy another bottle of Talisker.  We only shop at Waitrose now as it appears to have less horse in its products than other supermarkets. That having been said it's unlikely that even the sickest old nag would end up in haggis and even it did you'd be pushed to know the difference.  Still as a politician who appears to be promoting a company who puts babies in King Cakes I doubt a bit of horse is going to bother you.
We didn't watch the Super Bowl Sunday I'm afraid we're not big on sport chez Sock, well at least not that kind of sport anyway.  I caught the BeyoncĂ© bit on YouTube and was pleased to see there was no wardrobe malfunction this year so well done.
Looking forward to your next epistle
Kind regards
Arabella Sock

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Monty and the French Connection


..
In tribute to Monty's new series on French Gardens (BBC2 Fridays) The Sea of Immeasurable Gravy is proud to bring you a new Sockmovie featuring Monty's quest for his most treasured possession.  Speakers on everybody!

You can watch it below or clic this link to watch on Youtube for a better screen size.